I Was a Teenage Dilettante
(1965)

Oh to study music and poetry and art!
I'd like to bring to Northwood Hills the spirit of Montmartre,
I'll get my money on the dole-from work I'll be exempt;
The establishment that keeps me I will look on with contempt.

These out-of-work philosophers are fawned on, as a rule;
I had the right upbringing, and I went to grammar school:
My parents are Establishment, as dull as dull could be;
They haven't time to sit around and just be rude, like me.

If I want to give up working, yet still be on the make,
Then I could try and get myself a part on Sunday Break.
They say these young delinquents have the easiest of parts:
Just talk of self-expression, raucous nights and purple hearts.

I know that, by and large, it would be easiest to shirk
With artistic inclinations an alternative to work.
But the self-expression gimmick could make me rich with ease
If I learn to say "you know" and drop my aitches and my E's.

Among the ranks of loafers, if you look with careful eyes,
You'll see a boy with business sense, a mod with enterprise,
And before you know what happens he's a rich man without cares,
A notable authority on sex and world affairs.

But will there come a far-off day when interest starts to go,
When I'll give out to the people and they just won't want to know
My rebellious opinions on politics and art
And my masterly exposés of the Stones and Lionel Bart?

I've worked out what I'm going to do, upon that fateful day,
Prestige and fame and affluence again will come my way,
For I'll appear on Monitor, and earn a stunning fee
By criticising people more talented than me.

P. J. MATTHEWS, 5M