XB125
(1970)

"Good day, space visitor. Here in our humble XB125 atomic L-class estate ship we wish you a very pleasant journey. On your left you will observe the engine room. Do not step within three feet of the plaster-wire netting or your space-suits will disintegrate. You are advised to keep your helmets on whilst visiting the swimming pool as it is now open-air, due to an unfortunate incident on the launchpad.

"It was in 20,102 when our technicians designed this pool, which, incidentally, is super-heated to prevent freezing during the eclipse of Mercury that is, of course, every 4 seconds. Do not be alarmed at the constant flickering of the lights for this is merely a cosmic storm - an effect of the Plutratic Wars of 20,005 to 20,017 AD. You will, no doubt, become accustomed to it during the next five years of your tour.

"You will notice that the floor trembles at intervals, but this is only metal fatigue. A word to the older ones amongst us — please do not attempt to use the lavatory in the next few weeks it fell away when we took off. Also, please try to understand that the wash-room is out of bounds until we finally defeat the platronosaurus which came up through the floor last Christmas.

"When this ship was built, it was constructed for maximum comfort on long journeys and many luxuries have been provided for your enjoyment and, we are sure you will agree these have been well incorporated in the design. Each room is a hexagonal sphere and as you walk your room revolves so that you can walk on the ceiling if you wish to. The rooms are put together rather like a honeycomb and revolve by means of hexagonal ball bearings. Luckily, the first twelve rooms are jammed and do not revolve separately so that you can actually fall out of bed onto the wall. This, accidentally . .er .. incidentally, was embodied into the design for your utmost comfort as you will be able to observe your furniture's response to the change in the point of gravity for the first and last time of your life!

"On your right you will see the laundry rooms. When entering do remember that the floor has been removed for repairs and that the laser-beam spin-dryer is apt to change the point at which the beam is focussed if you actually put clothes in. However, we will not keep you from the numerous attractions mentioned. So enjoy yourselves and thank you for your kind attention".